Bharat Ratna for Whom ?

Its the hight award and recognition which one can get in our country . The recent debate on whether Sachin and Amitabh Bacchan should get or not .
I am totally clueless as to why Sachin and Amitabh should get it at all .
The whole purpose of this recognition was for those who have contributed towards the advancement of the society and have given direction to it .
What have Sachin and Amitabh done in this direction. It has been purely an individual journey and individual gain .

I am sorry but they both don’t deserve it at all .

My Mother's Letter

On 4^th Dec 2011 , we shifted to our new flat in Indirapuram . we are still trying to settle down . Things have been lying here and there and would need some more time . My father was also busy making his room systematic . I saw him removing few papers from an old hand bag , almost 10- 15 years old . There were some old letters . I took them and saw those were the once my mother wrote to me when I was doing my degree. She wrote that " beta maan laga ker padhna , per hoga wohi jo mataji chahengi " , ie study hard beta , but divine spirit will overrule .

She is no more with me , justified that only divine will rules .

New House

So finally 70% of my new flat work is over . Things are getting fixed at an exceptional pace and I hope we would be able to shift by 4th Dec 2011 . So this would be my second house warming ceremony in 3 years .

This time I have spend all above my budget and that’s visible in the almost final appearance .

We all are happy , but for me the same almost nil inner fulfillment . The reason you all know .

All around me has reason for love , but the one who had that selfless love is no more around me.

This time again a exciting function without the person who would have been most excited .

Happy Diwali Maa

All lights seems to be dim and dull now . Its 1 am now and today I am not able to sleep . Since my father has gone to my sisters place , I am in his room .

Thought of viewing my wedding CD as I wanted to see my mother . But now I am not able to gather that strength . Things have totally changed .

Diwali used to be fun and excitement for me . But from the time Maa has left , its meaningless .

I something feel I am doing injustice to Jayanti as she is excited and she doesn’t get the response she expects from me , but I am helpless and in no mood .

One more Diwali without maa.

Park or Food

Is this topic justified . You always compare an apple with apple , not an apple with orange ... right ?
I know my topic is irrelevant , but that’s what CM of UP has done .
When half of the population in UP is fighting hunger and basic medication , CM Mayawati is busy inaugurating park worth 679 Cr . What purpose this park solves is beyond my thinking . But I haven’t seen a politician who has been so high on ego that she has installed her own statue. Its like most of the middle east countries which is ruled by dictators . But Mayawati has forgot the recent outburst of people there . I can see the same outcome here as well in UP because what we need is not park , but basic amenities like food , water and shelter .
Where our politicians are heading is unknown .

Jagjit Singh - Vacuum forever

Today at 8.10 am , ghazal mastro left us for ever .
I have been listening to his ghazalas from a very early age as my father has been die hard fan of jagjit singh . My father was also very upset today .
His voice has been reason for ignition of so many emotions ...both Happy and sad. He has left a long silence unfilled.
May god rest his soul in peace and give strength to all family and friends to bear this great loss .

3 Wishes

It was the last time when my mother came to Delhi in Jan 2008 . Since I was occupied with my work schedules , Jayanti took my parents to Chatarpur mandir . My mother new that if you have some wishes, its granted if you tie a thread there . She tied 3 .
Just 10 days later , I lost her forever .Few days back I was discussing this with my sister and she told me that the 3 wishes she wanted to be granted were ,
- My youngest sister marriage
- A baby for my sister who was married for past 5 years
- And a good relationship for me and jayanti .
She could have easily asked for her good health , but her priority were always we .
Now when she is no more , I think why she didn’t tied 4 threads , the 4th one for her own good health .

Radio

In the winter of 2008 , it was the last time my mother came to Delhi . January 16th till 28th and then I lost her forever on 2nd Feb . She always liked old hindi songs , all colorful and positive . As she was from a very average family , the only source of entertainment was radio . Before leaving for my home town Bokaro , she conveyed her desire for a radio .
But I was not even able to present her a radio which would have hardly cost anything significant .
Am I worth anything now , when I can’t even buy a Radio for my mother . She is no more with me . I always think, is it always beneficial to plan for future .
Its more important to plan present than future , but I learned this when I lost all .

Jane tu Ya jane Na

Lyrics from movie Jane tu Ya jane Na
kahin to hogi wo duniya jahan tu meri sath hai ,
jahan mai jahan tu aur jahan bus teri meri jajbat hai aur ,
jahan subha teri palkon ki kirno me lori jahan chandki sone de baho me ,
jane na kahan wo duniya hai jane na wo hai bhi ya nahi ,
jahan meri zindagi mujse itani khafa nahi ,

This song reminds me of my Maa
Really don’t know where she is now , will I be able to meet her again , will she recognize me ,will she still love me .................
Maa, you have taken all my happiness ...all my joy
Just one last request ...when we meet again ...please recognize me ....I am helpless Maa and I don’t even know I will be able to meet you again

Song of my Mother

I don’t remember exactly the year , but it was from movie "Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar” , a song which my mother used to listen with so emotions . Might be she used to miss her mother ( my nanimaa ) .
The song was " Ruth ker mujse kabhi , jo chale jao ge tum, ye na socha tha kabhi , itne yaad aaoge tum ".
Its 3 years now and the song makes me so emotional . I never thought that she would leave me soooooo early ...all alone and then the same song makes me emotional ....i never thought this song would become so relevant for me .
Life has taken so many ups and down , but the lost has been unrecoverable .
I heard that time fills all gaps , but for me , I still miss her every day , each moment of my life .

Jhumi …my pet

It was in the winter of Bokaro , Jhumi came to my house . Maa was carrying her in her lap and she was just 15 days old . Milky white and very naughty . papa was not much interested , but we all wanted to have her in and were excited .
She has seen all that has happened at our home . Marriage of my elder sister , marriage of my next sister , my marriage , nanhi’s marriage . She even saw losing my mother and then leaving Bokaro for ever .
She has turned 13 and this time when I went to my sisters place, I realized that she has also turned old . Quiet , calm and compose .
Being so naughty , she had unique habbits , asking for keys from visitors , being excited about going in car , but all has changed .
Seems life is more of losing than gaining. Gain is much on the material plane , but lose is on personal level.

Happy birthday Maa , 15th July , 2011

Totally occupied in my daily activity , in the morning papa came and reminded me that today is maa’s birthday . It has been her 58th birth anniversary , and she was not with us .
She came , groomed us , made us to stand on our own feet , and then one day left us quietly .
I wonder what we did for her . She never asked for anything .
Things are not the same now . Didi in Kolkata went to Ashram and offered prayer . But is it reaching her ?
My soul says “YES” its reaching , but my reasoning mind opposes .
Its all in the memories now and the life lives on .

Need of life

What exactly we need in life . The debate is ongoing and each one of us had different understanding and justification for the same .
But I believe that the most important need apart from food , shelter and clothing is “Mental peace “
It’s a state of mind which doesn’t need any comfort , money and lavish life style , instead it’s a inner clam which gets reflected in every day life .
I had more metal piece when my monitory situation was not so overwhelming , but I was with me whole family together .
Now , even though money is not an issue any more , things seems to be at its place , but some how , mental peace has gone . Earlier meditation used to be exciting , now even for a minute , my scattered mind goes in all the directions and its very difficult to keep my threads at one point .
Life has really changed and so the meaning of peace.

Fall of Left in Bengal – Justified

I have always loved the idea of communism , but in a restricted fashion . But the blunder Left has done in Bengal is very much visible now , with the complete fall of party in the recent assembly election .
“Change” as most of the leaders are sighting as the reason has actually not been the decisive reason , but the way the state has been perished is the reason. The horrible idea of Hartal, Bandh , cadre etc has in fact made the common man lazy and irresponsible .
“Kya koi saukh se sarkar dadalta hai --- nahi , agar aap acche se kaam kare to koi change kyu chahega “
Also the ideology on which communism stands is not at all visible if you go to the interior of Bengal. I got chance to visit my friends place in a small village and I was surprised to see that the only concrete building in the area was that of Left’s party office . With no roads , water and electricity , actually the communist leaders were far away from the problems of common man.
It’s the most blessed period in the life of people of Bengal , but the tough road lies ahead of Mamtadi to deliver what she promised with sever resistance from the communists since it has been in blood now .

Maa Saraswati

Recently I was with my brother in law in a mall in Gurgaon. He is a shopping freak and so even though we didn’t had anything planned, his impulsive nature pulled me as well.
We finally went to a shop which had candles, paintings , idols etc and was really big in size. From quite some time , I was looking for a Maa Saraswati idol . To my surprise , out of 100’s of idols , there was not a single idol of Maa Saraswati . The racks were full of Ganesha and Lakshmi idols .
May be the time has come when the most sought after god are Ganesha and Lakshmi. We all are only interested in material and monetary gains and “vidya “ stands very low in our priority .
But the truth still remains that if the elder sister Maa Saraswati is with you , Lakshi the younger sister will automatically follow . But not the vice versa .
Time has really changed .

One Liner For Life

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

— Mother Teresa

Fight for Freedom – Part II

I salute the courage and love Anna Hazare ( Gandhi Part II ) has for India , even at the age of 72 , he has finally decided to take the Corrupt government head on . I really feel sad for our learned PM , who still feel that this movement against corruption is premature . How a movement which has been waiting for something to happen in the past 42 years be considered premature and impatience . Seems our PM has been affected by the friends he keeps who are themselves corrupt . It has been into our blood now , bribe for everything …for death certificate , for passport, for ration card , for house registration , for jurisdiction …almost for everything . Still our PM feels it’s premature . Its now or never …and we all have civil and moral right to support Anna Hazare. We, at any cost cannot trust these politicians anymore and feel the dictionary meaning should be changed to

Politician = A corrupt , selfish and shameless person

India Pakistan War ???

I am really frustrated by the way media reacts and covers any India Pakistan cricket match . Specially the recent one has been more horrible. Are we at war with Pakistan? It’s all about our love and passion for the game and the excitement it can bring to people. So ultimately it’s an emotional entertaining event ….and nothing more . I was surprised to see Sonia Gandhi reacting to the game on that very day . I had never seen her in such a jolly mood. So we all know the power of the game, why can’t we take it as an event which is at the zenith of making people happy. But the media as its own thoughts and explanation …..War with Pakistan, destroy them, etc which is ruthless. Ultimately its just that the team which is good on that very day …wins the game and makes us proud …so did Indian team this time.

Unfinished Symphony

I know you all would laugh at this blog, but believe me after reading and watching about the life and work of Albert Einstein , I really feel sad about the greatest scientist of our century , who in fact was trying to read the Mind of GOD. Was it needed ??

Einstein was curious to know , given a chance , how would he created a universe .
Einstein once said that he is not clever , he is just curious . Curious the way children are , so by heart , he was always a child .
At a time when Quantum mechanics was at its peak , the well known physicist Niel Bohr had an argument with Einstein where he said that the world was no more predictable than a throw of a dice . Einstein replied “ GOD doesn’t play dice “ . In response , Neil said “Plz stop telling GOD what to do with his dice “
In principle what Einstein was trying to say is that if all the conditions and circumstances are knowing , like air pressure , motion etc when a dice is thrown , the outcome can be predicted .
But at heart he know , there still exist an “ Unknown condition “ = may be GOD
May be its true , where science and curious mind ends …. Spirituality starts .
On 18th April, 1955 , Einstein left his body …and we lost a genius who was looking for GOD with his reasoning mind , more than emotion and surrender .

Holika Funeral

My society was ready to celebrate Holi and so a day before , Holika burning function was too organized . All the society was gathered and various rituals were performed around the bonfire arrangement. They were offering rice , flowers to the Holika .
But for me these festivals don’t bring any more happiness . They just make me sad and I am reminded of my Holi in Bokaro along with my family and MAA. In the evening when the holika was burnt, it was as if I was in the funeral of my mother and burning the same .
Just with her departure , the meaning of festivals have changed for me . Still wonder , why she left me alone .

Mysterious Force

I have been fascinated about DIVINE and I never question the existence of GOD. I too have the support of the greatest scientist of 20th century Albert Einstein who too believes in GOD , but terms it as “Mysterious force”.
He says :
I'm not an atheist and I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws, but only dimly understand these laws. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that moves the constellations. I am fascinated by Spinoza's pantheism, but admire even more his contributions to modern thought because he is the first philosopher to deal with the soul and the body as one, not two separate things.
Amazing thoughts ….isn’t it

The divine within

Its amazing , and it always touch me when I read Dohas of Kabir .
In one of the doha he says , Translation

Like seed contains the oil, fire in flint stone

Your temple seats the Divine, realize if you can.
We all always think of what exactly is GOD . Kabir reveals the truth and says that as in anti-seed oil is present , but till the time we don’t put energy , the oil is not visible. Same way , till the time the flint stone is not rubbed, fire is not visible .

Kabir thus says that the body which is the temple has divine within. This divine is the portion of the supreme ( soul ) in our true self. We are unaware of this reality because of our ignorance and awakening

Big Thank You !!

It was in the year 2008 , Feb . We were going to Kolkata from Bokaro . All of us were completely broken and empty since it was just 10 days that we lost our mother . We were in the 1976 made Fiat of my father and just before Durgapur, the car broke down. Complete engine oil leaked and we were standing helpless by the side of the road. After much effort , I got an auto and went to a petrol bunk . Got the oil and then there was no means by which I can come back. Tried a lot for lift but didn’t worked. Finally one truck driver stopped and I thanked him and sat inside . He dropped me near the car and when I tried giving him tips , he straight forward refused . I was astonished .
He helped me when I needed the most without even knowing me. If met again , I would again like to say a “Big Thank You “

The Mirror of relationship

Today morning , I was having my bed tea and was searching channel to watch news. Just landed at NDTV Good times where a program about relationship was discussed with none other than Deepak Chopra .Amazing thoughts and a lot of things for our soul to think about .
He says that we cannot be virtuous if we do not have the capacity for evil. We cannot be wise if we do not have an inner fool. And we cannot be generous if we do not have a sting person inside us . In fact, the most enlightened people are those who accept their own ambiguity and full potential for light and dark. Everyone we see in the world is a reflection of ourselves and the traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are the strongest in ourselves. Deepak calls this the mirror of relationship and says its a powerful tool for emotional freedom.
When we have a strong negative reaction to someone , we can be certain that they're reflecting traits that we also possess but have unwilling to embrace . We spend so much time denying that we have a dark side , and then end up projecting these denied qualities onto other people . For the same reason , we are attracted to certain people because they have the same traits that we have .

Pt Bhimsen Joshi

24th Jan , the day when the great legendry Bharat Ratna Pt Bhimsen Joshi passed away. It has been great loss to the nation and too all the music lovers around the world. It came from my father , the love for classical music. I feel blessed to have been in the era of Pt Bhimsen Joshi . His powerful voice and clarity always excited me . Even his Bhajan recitals have been out of this world with a soulful approach .
May his soul rest in peace. The only thing left for us now is his memories and his divine voice .

The END !!

It has again came back ...the day when I lost my mother...2nd Feb 2008 , 10:00 pm
It’s really difficult to understand and digest till it doesn’t happen to oneself. I never thought that this can ever happen to me ...losing my mother so early ...although I knew that this is the ultimate truth ... "death"
Each moment is unique in itself and the very next moment what can happen is unpredictable .
I know this day will keep on coming every year till the time I don’t leave my body ...and will as well remind me again that I have lost my most precious thing in life .

62nd Independence Day

In my whole life , this independence day has been the most happening one surrounded with a vibrant political crisis . I can’t see a single political party which is not corrupt , self-centered and far far detached from the issues of common man. You ask a Babu and the simple answer of positivity is GDP . A society which has such a huge gap between rich and poor, how can GDP decide that the society is prospering. It works only when there is equality . The sole reason for all this is the lack of will to implement plans which can benefit the lower cadre of society. It’s shameful , but seems even out PM , who has the most distinct and longest CV in the world doesn’t understand and just want to hold an office for the sake of holding it . It’s really a disturbing trend and I really don’t know in what circumstances we would be celebrating our 63rd Independence day .