Signing Off 2017

Signing off 2017 with the most beautiful thing which could ever happen to me , a gift for life in the form of my daughter "Baru"
She has given new meaning to life and a whole new dimension to it .

My Baru

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

Baru & Papa

I have never seen papa so emotional about someone. From the day my daughter Baru has come , papa has been too happy about it . Even my niece think the same that they have not got the love which Baru is getting from Nanajee .

My father has always been a very systematic person with defined daily schedule. His daily activities are pre planned and defined. His time for walk , music , phone , tv , food and sleep , everything is well structured . He also makes sure that he goes back to bed on time .

But Baru has just mess-up everything for him . The reason has been papa himself . His closeness and fondness for Baru has been immense. Even a slightest of noise makes him restless .

I never saw papa coming out of his room at 3 AM to see why she is crying . He also makes sure that he spends too much time with her .

I could also se that he enjoys every moment with her . And I have to admit that Baru is so sweet .  

Accept LIfe

Life may be seen from 3 different pospective  ; the past, the present and the future.
The past is past , unalterable . No amount of regret, rethinking or reproduction will ever change the past. The best thing to do about the past is to let the past stay in the past.
Accepting life as it is might mean accepting that events in my past have led me to where I am today; and that the events of my "NOW" might lead me to a certain place in the future.
So, I am currently in the past of my future . 
Knowing this simple truth has led me to not only accept life as it is now but to also realize that my "NOW" is some other time’s past and I am solely responsible for it . I am responsible for how I view and accept life and the events that surrounds life. I am responsible for being not-responsible for things that are not my responsibilities, but are currently in my life anyway.

There are things I ultimately cannot change, but there are many ways I can change my whole self to adapt to the things I cannot change  . Probably its better to tick with the clock to some extend .

नन्ही-सी परी

नन्ही-सी परी
नन्ही-सी परी
गुलाब पाँखुरी-सी
आई जमीं पे
झूम उठा आँगन।
महकी हँसी,
रोशन होने लगा
बुझा सा मन,
भर गई फिर से
सूनी वो गोद
प्यारी -सी वो मुस्कान
हरने लगी
मन का सूनापन।
लगने लगा
प्यारा अब जीवन,
फिर से जागीं
सोई वो तमन्नाएँ,
झूमने लगा
नन्हें से हाथों संग
बन मयूर
झुलसा हुआ मन।
दिखने लगीं
दबी संवेदनाएँ,
खिलने लगीं
मेरे भी लबों पर
रंग-बिरंगी
कलियों -सी कोमल,
हवा-सी नर्म,
पानी -जैसी तरल,
रात रानी की
ख़ुशबू से नहाई,
नए छंदों से
सुरों को सजाती -सी ,
प्यारी-प्यारी लोरियाँ।

Love

Love is only a word, until we decide to let it possess us with all its force.
Love is only a word, until someone arrives to give it meaning

रिश्ते

रिश्ते बस रिश्ते होते हैं
कुछ इक पल के
कुछ दो पल के

कुछ परों से हल्के होते हैं
बरसों के तले चलते-चलते
भारी-भरकम हो जाते हैं

कुछ भारी-भरकम बर्फ़ के-से
बरसों के तले गलते-गलते
हलके-फुलके हो जाते हैं

नाम होते हैं रिश्तों के
कुछ रिश्ते नाम के होते हैं
रिश्ता वह अगर मर जाये भी
बस नाम से जीना होता है

बस नाम से जीना होता है
रिश्ते बस रिश्ते होते हैं

Do I Look Mature

Few days back , I was sitting for a weekly review meeting of my team . The whole team was waiting for me in the board room . We did the reviews , feedback , discussion and then closed the meeting with few open critical items which I wanted to discuss with my Vertical Head .

I was not very happy with the front desk executive and so I communicated this to my Lead . I also updated that she is good , also able to manage 4 out of his 5 KRA , but the one which she is not able to manage is due to his personality which is not so mature . She looks more of a class 12 student than a graduate which is actually making her take tough due to public dealing .

So finally I said to my lead that I would rather think of having a new front desk executive than retaining her .

My meeting was over and we left .

Next day when I came to office , this little front desk lady came to me and said , Sir , I have changed my get up , my dress and also I have applied lipsticks , am I looking mature .

I could read ...she just wanted to tell me .." please don’t fire me "

It was very emotional for me . It was as if my own daughter kid was asking from me....if had a kid  .

I was speechless . I was stuck with my own believes , should I have a good nature employee or a employee with proper skill to deliver .

Its seriously not easy to be detached from all human being and take decision purely on professional basis .

I know I am a failure in terms of my decision as I decide to retain her , but I am satisfied and peaceful personally .

NOW

Out of your whole life give but one moment!
All of your life that has gone before,
All to come after it, – so you ignore,
So you make perfect the present, – condense,
In a rapture of rage, for perfection’s endowment,
Thought and feeling and soul and sense –
Merged in a moment which gives me at last
You around me for once, you beneath me, above me –
Me – sure that despite of time future, time past, –
This tick of our life-time’s one moment you love me!
How long such suspension may linger? Ah, Sweet –
The moment eternal – just that and no more –
When ecstasy’s utmost we clutch at the core
While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut and lips meet!

Jiya Lage Na

Today morning , i got up at 4 AM and this song was in my mind , a song which was so close to Maa . Simple , plan and with pure love .... may be she imagined papa in this song .
I though time is so powerful and has all cure as it passes, but in my case , maa has been with me every day every moment from past 10 years , the day she left .

Maa ..I Miss You

Its long that you left me . I feel my heart was divided into 2 , one which is still alive with me and one which died with you . There are times when I make sure I am alone , awake , and take a walk down the memory lane with tears in my eyes . You flow in me the way I breath . I hold you tight within me and you will always remain there . You can see that my life goes on , but it will never be the same again .

Maa ....miss you

Wish ...it could Happen

The soft glow of dawn
covers my room in rainbows.

Young eyes try to capture them.
My mother’s figure appears in the doorway,
presence subtle.
I ask her to join me,
catch her own rainbows.
She simply shakes her head, eyes glassy.


Maybe another day, I think,
Or maybe not.

शायद

मैं चाहता भी यही था वो बेवफ़ा निकले

मैं चाहता भी यही था वो बेवफ़ा निकले
उसे समझने का कोई तो सिलसिला निकले

किताब-ए-माज़ी* के पन्ने उलट के देख ज़रा
न जाने कौन-सा पन्ना मुड़ा हुआ निकले

जो देखने में बहुत ही क़रीब लगता है
उसी के बारे में सोचो तो फ़ासला  निकले

* किताब-ए-माज़ी : अतीत की पुस्तक

मैं चाहता भी यही था वो बेवफ़ा निकले

मैं चाहता भी यही था वो बेवफ़ा निकले
उसे समझने का कोई तो सिलसिला निकले

किताब-ए-माज़ी* के पन्ने उलट के देख ज़रा
न जाने कौन-सा पन्ना मुड़ा हुआ निकले

जो देखने में बहुत ही क़रीब लगता है
उसी के बारे में सोचो तो फ़ासला  निकले

* किताब-ए-माज़ी : अतीत की पुस्तक

मैं चाहता भी यही था वो बेवफ़ा निकले

उसे समझने का कोई तो सिलसिला निकले

किताब-ए-माज़ी* के पन्ने उलट के देख ज़रा

न जाने कौन-सा पन्ना मुड़ा हुआ निकले

जो देखने में बहुत ही क़रीब लगता है

उसी के बारे में सोचो तो फ़ासला  निकले

* किताब-ए-माज़ी : अतीत की पुस्तक

My Reflection : Omi

Omi has finally started learning tabla . He is so fascinated and loves every bit of it . When I see him playing , I remember my days when maa got me enrolled in tabla class and it was just too new for me . I must say that I was not a serious as Omi . Few days back I visited papa who is presently with my elder sister since this is the only time in the whole year to be with her . Her school is closed for summer holidays . Life with kids is entirely a different experience and since I don’t have one , I sometimes don’t understand the need of them . May be this is also one of the reason why some aspects of my nature is still dormant and need a simulator to ignite .

Taking some time "off" from your career

Would you consider taking some time "off" from your career?
I took few days off from work. You are not your job. Your job is one part of your multifaceted, potential-filled self. And deep down you know it too. As said “What you seek is seeking you.” Your joy, tribe, and bliss are patiently waiting. They will always be waiting. You just need to decide.

My Family

Its almost 10 years now that we left Bokaro . There are few families to whom I am was always close . The reason might have ben the early age I was into and also all the love and affection I got from them . I even called few of them as badi maa since they were no less than my mother . Yesterday , one such family visited my place .
The whole day went in gossip and all stories , almost 25 years old , nostalgic memories .Finally in the evening , I again went back to drop them where they were put-up . Since I was driving , aunty opened the wrapper of the toffee and put it into my mouth . It was after years that this happened . This was a common habit of mine when Maa used to be in my car and I was driving . Close relationships are still what I miss and meeting them back is like getting life again .
Family isn’t always about blood relations . It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones you accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.

Priceless Memories

Few songs are favourite of papa and we often sing when we are together . Morning time is the best time we spend together and today as well after back from walk and B'fast , papa was on his music synthesizer .

I still remember the time we used to spend on weekends . It was all about music and spending time together .

Maa and papa used to sing together and few songs were common almost every weekend . They are still there , its just that some times I am with papa to give him company .

Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them

Today we sang this song

रहते थे कभी जिनके दिल में
हम जान से भी प्यारों की तरह
बैठे हैं उन्ही के कूचे में
हम आज गुनहगारों की तरह

दावा था जिन्हें हमदर्दी का
खुद आके न पूछा हाल कभी
महफ़िल में बुलाया है हम पे 
हँसने को सितमगारों की तरह

बरसों से सुलगते तन मन पर
अश्कों के तो छींटे दे ना सके
तपते हुए दिल के ज़ख्मों पर
बरसे भी तो अंगारों की तरह

सौ रुप धरे जीने के लिये
बैठे हैं हज़ारों ज़हर पिये
ठोकर ना लगाना हम खुद हैं
गिरती हुई दीवारों की तरह

दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।

सखि, पतंग भी जलता है
हा! दीपक भी जलता है!
सीस हिलाकर दीपक कहता–
बन्धु वृथा ही तू क्यों दहता?’
पर पतंग पड़ कर ही रहता
कितनी विह्वलता है!
दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।


बचकर हाय! पतंग मरे क्या?
प्रणय छोड़ कर प्राण धरे क्या?
जले नही तो मरा करे क्या?
क्या यह असफलता है!
दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।

कहता है पतंग मन मारे–
तुम महान, मैं लघु, पर प्यारे,
क्या न मरण भी हाथ हमारे?
शरण किसे छलता है?’
दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।

दीपक के जलने में आली,
फिर भी है जीवन की लाली।
किन्तु पतंग-भाग्य-लिपि काली,
किसका वश चलता है?
दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।

जगती वणिग्वृत्ति है रखती,
उसे चाहती जिससे चखती;
काम नहीं, परिणाम निरखती।
मुझको ही खलता है।
दोनों ओर प्रेम पलता है।

Poem by Rashtra Kavi Maithilisharan Gupt

Advice

People who are part of our daily life can give us important hints on decisions we need to take.
But for this purpose all that is needed is a sharp eye and an attentive ear, because those who have ready solutions are usually suspect.
It’s very dangerous to ask for advice. It’s very easy, but also very risky to lend advice, if we have a minimum sense of responsibility towards the other person.
If they need help, it’s best to show them some examples, seeing how others resolve – or don’t resolve – their problems.
Our angel often uses someone’s lips to tell us something, but this answer comes casually, usually at a moment when we do not let our worries overshadow the miracle of life.
Advice is just theory; living is always very different.

I am Happy ...Papa is Back

I am Happy . Papa is back from his 3 month world tour . I am not sure these recurring tours every year is what keeps him motivated or I am the reason for him to be motivated to be on these tours ...in any case ...I am happy that he is back home .

He always carries so much energy and enthusiasm which actually gives life support to all of us . I got calls from all the family and friends where he stayed , and every one is missing him now .

To choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way is what makes a man give meaning to life and that’s what papa does .

His music , reading , writing does gives all support in his present day attitude and he has been fabulous in that .

One great change in him this time , he seems more close to me than ever before . It may also be since he is one of those person who knows what I need " the most"

Creation of Universe

There was neither non-existence nor existence then.
There was neither the realm of space nor the sky which is beyond.
What stirred?
Where?
In whose protection?
Was there water, bottlemlessly deep?

There was neither death nor immortality then.
There was no distinguishing sign of night nor of day.
That One breathed, windless, by its own impulse.
Other than that there was nothing beyond.

Darkness was hidden by darkness in the beginning,
with no distinguishing sign, all this was water.
The life force that was covered with emptiness,
that One arose through the power of heat.

Desire came upon that One in the beginning,
that was the first seed of mind.
Poets seeking in their heart with wisdom
found the bond of existence and non-existence.

Their cord was extended across.
Was there below?
Was there above?
There were seed-placers, there were powers.
There was impulse beneath, there was giving forth above.

Who really knows?
Who will here proclaim it?
Whence was it produced?
Whence is this creation?
The gods came afterwards, with the creation of this universe.
Who then knows whence it has arisen?

Whence this creation has arisen
- perhaps it formed itself, or perhaps it did not -
the One who looks down on it,
in the highest heaven, only He knows
or perhaps He does not know.

Don't question , just believe ....Rigveda

Freedom of Expression

.

The debate on freedom of speech in the past 2 weeks have been totally irritating and frustrating . Ramjas and JNU has been the epicentre of this movement .

There is no substance to it and to some extend social media is responsible for it . Freedom of expression , freedom of speech ...but to what extend

How valid it is to practice your right and enter the right of others .

Its critical for everyone to be ........IN THEIR LIMITS

Freedom doesn’t mean speaking out and expressing each and everything what comes in mind ,  although its violation or breach of others freedom .

No one need to justify ones patriotism for India . Facebook and tweeter definitely cant help in that .

Also there are more serious topics which need discussion rather than freedom for Kashmir , Punjab and Telangana .

These are not even debatable topics ...completely rejected  .

I don’t feel people who are involved in such debate love our mother land and are anyway interested in the vested interest of wider audience , its more of self fulfilment .

Every inch of our mother land is ours and united and any debate or though to make it a better place should be welcomed , but please stop dragging and expressing ideas which is mere waste of intelligence on the name of FREEDOM  

कब आते हो ..कब जाते हो

This is the only plant left with me now which was planted by Maa . Its a banyan tree and Maa used to perform puja around it .

ना आमद की आहट .. ना जाने की टोह मिलती है !
कब आते हो ..कब जाते हो !

ईमली का ये पेड़ हवा में जब हिलता है तो,
ईटों की दीवारों पर परछाई का छीटा परता है,
और जज्ब हो जातें जैसे !

सूखी मट्टी पर कोई पानी के कतरे फ़ेंक गया हो ..
धीरे धीरे आँगन में फिर धुप सिसकती रहती है ..
बंद कमरे में कभी कभी ,
जब दिये की लौ हिल जाती है तो,
एक बड़ा सा साया मुझे घूँट घूँट पीने लगता है !

कब आते हो कब जाते हो दिन में कितनी बार तुम याद आते हो !!

Life is too short to Plan

Its almost 10 years since Maa left . Its almost 5 years since we left our home town completely and shifted to Delhi .
I still have my home landline phone number saved under the name "Maa Phone "
From past few weeks , everyday I wake up with a natural feel what was there 10 years back . I have to wake up , make a call to Maa and let her know about everyday happening , small and big .

Something inside me , telling me everyday that she is in Bokaro waiting for my call .
I have even tried calling the number , but no response since its dead from past 5 years .
Her voice over phone still echoes in my ears . And her dying love for me , after all I came after so much of prayers which she did .

My heart wasn’t satisfied yet and she left

Watching Someone You Love Die

I found this cute picture of Maa in the album today .

My father was talking about Maa today and he because emotional . On the night of 2nd Feb , 2008 , when my mother suffered from heart stroke, she asked him to take her to hospital and also cried to make it fast . It was one of those few moments when papa would have drove the car at such a high speed . He rushed Maa to the critical unit . He was holding her hand and Maa was looking at him . Slowly and slowly she closed her eyes and papa could feel that she is leaving him for ever .
It just took 15 minutes and everything was over .
I was not there when papa was narrating this and he became emotional . This happened today at my sisters place in Kolkata  .
You don’t open up in front of all . You may be out spoken , extrovert or a crowd loving person , but when it comes to sharing something emotional, something from depth of your heart and something priceless , there are every few people in the list .
Didi is one such person with whom papa just opens up . May be he knows that she is one who is purely connected and can actually understand the pain and emotion which papa is going through .

We will meet in the Cloud

time flies by

Situations change and reality becomes your most valuable treasure of past

Pictures fade , memories fade

but the flame of light within , keep alive

till the time both the flames meet

Deep in the skies

memories flies

you were born and your mom cry

time has again taken a circle

you again decided to leave

flowers on your body

 left without saying BYE

I know we will meet one day Maa

Havaldar Hangpan Dada : Supreme Sacrifice

Graceful picture of Dada , he looks stunning , innocent and a person with divine soul .
On Republic Day this year, our president awarded the Ashok Chakra, India's highest gallantry award in peacetime, to Havaldar Hangpan Dada of the Assam Regiment. The honour was received by his wife Chasen Lowang Dada.
What’s in there head and how do they feel about our mother land , its so moving . There cannot be a great sacrifice then laying down life for the mother nation , and Dada did that .
Without heroes, we are all plain people, and don’t know how far we can go.
This video is a tribute to him .

राखी बंधाई

महादेवी वर्मा को जब ज्ञानपीठ पुरस्कार से सम्मानित किया गया था, तो एक साक्षात्कार के दौरान उनसे पूछा गया था, 'आप इस एक लाख रुपये का क्या करेंगी? 

कहने लगी, 'न तो मैं अब कोई क़ीमती साड़ियाँ पहनती हूँ,  न कोई सिंगार-पटार कर सकती हूँ, ये लाख रुपये पहले मिल गए होते तो भाई को चिकित्सा और दवा के अभाव में यूँ न जाने देती, कहते-कहते उनका दिल भर आया।  कौन था उनका वो 'भाई'?  हिंदी के युग-प्रवर्तक औघड़-फक्कड़-महाकवि पंडित सूर्यकांत त्रिपाठी 'निराला', महादेवी के मुंहबोले भाई थे।

एक बार वे रक्षा-बंधन के दिन सुबह-सुबह जा पहुँचे अपनी लाडली बहन के घर और रिक्शा रुकवाकर चिल्लाकर द्वार से बोले,  'दीदी, जरा बारह रुपये तो लेकर आना।'  महादेवी रुपये तो तत्काल ले आई, पर पूछा, 'यह तो बताओ भैय्या, यह सुबह-सुबह आज बारह रुपये की क्या जरूरत आन पड़ी?हालाँकि, 'दीदी' जानती थी कि उनका यह दानवीर भाई रोजाना ही किसी न किसी को अपना सर्वस्व दान कर आ जाता है, पर आज तो रक्षा-बंधन है, आज क्यों?
निरालाजी सरलता से बोले, "ये दुई रुपया तो इस रिक्शा वाले के लिए और दस रुपये तुम्हें देना है। आज राखी है ना!  तुम्हें भी तो राखी बँधवाई के पैसे देने होंगे।"
ऐसे थे फक्कड़ निराला और ऐसी थी उनकी वह स्नेहमयी 'दीदी'।

Good Old Days

Good times . So much has been left behind . When I look back , in terms of quality of life , facilities and resources , I am much better now . But somehow it doesn’t gives be the level of happiness which was there when these things were not there . Its also true that I always wanted a life full of resources , but since I cannot change the law of nature , change is inevitable .

Life has been very different after 2008 when my mother left .

I have also seen that being emotional always keeps you in trouble .A level of detachment is necessary to live a balance life or else you are stuck .  I sometime feel there is too much of luggage on the back , of past . Its also not easy to offload

And from within , I never want to offload because it has all good memories of maa which is difficult to express in words .

तुम्हारी याद

मौत इक गीत रात गाती थी
ज़िन्दगी झूम झूम जाती थी

कभी दीवाने रो भी पडते थे
कभी तेरी भी याद आती थी

रोते जाते थे तेरे हिज़्र नसीब
रात फ़ुरकत की ढलती जाती थी

खोई खोई सी रहती थी वो आंख
दिल का हर भेद पा भी जाती थी

ज़िक्र था रंग-ओ-बू का और दिल में
तेरी तस्वीर उतरती जाती थी

हुस्न में थी इन आंसूओं की चमक
ज़िन्दगी जिनमें मुस्कुराती थी

तेरे उन आंसूओं की याद आयी
ज़िन्दगी जिनमें मुस्कुराती थी

गमे-जानां हो या गमें-दौरां
लौ सी कुछ दिल में झिलमिलाती थी

ज़िन्दगी को वफ़ा की राहों में
मौत खुद रोशनी दिखाती थी

बात क्या थी कि देखते ही तुझे
उल्फ़ते-ज़ीस्त भूल जाती थी

थे ना अफ़लाके-गोश बर-आवाज
बेखुदी दास्तां सुनाती थी

सामने तेरे जैसे कोई बात
याद आ आ के भूल जाती थी

वो तेरा गम हो या गमे-दुनिया
शमा सी दिल में झिलमिलाती थी

Keep Smiling

I bought a cd of Shafqat Amanat Ali named "Khamaj" . I just love all the songs of this album and my favourite song of this album was " Mora Saiyaan "
This was in year 2008 . When ever I used to call maa , she used to ask me to sing this song for her over phone .
With my tuneless voice and pitch here and there , I used to sing . Her excitement and emotion was much felt over phone . I used to spend time over phone with her which is not my natural flow .
Maa was over possessed with her children and enjoyed each and every moment and activity .
I was sitting with my aunt yesterday and I saw everyone had the same opinion about her . She was lovable and completely homely with so much of love for all . There is not a single incident when someone would have seen her down or dull .

She left us in the same way ....she was there ....and she was not the next moment ....with no clue to anyone that she is leaving

TIME

Why Do We Remember The Past But Not The Future?
Why time always moves forward and not backward .
Why time is always relative .
Wonderful questions with hardly any answer which gets into an average mind like me .
How do you define "time" , i was not able to get a clear definition .
We all agree that time exists , and it has a very unambiguous direction, at least for us. We are born, we grow old, we die. We perceive time as something flowing from what we call the “past” — of which we have some very clear, and some not-so-clear memories, to what we say is the “future” — something that is yet to happen.

Happy Birthday Papa

Dear papa, I hope you know how much you really mean to us. Thank you so much for everything, Happy Birthday Papa !

Primary Teaching of Buddha

1. Nothing is lost in the universe

The first truth is that nothing is lost in the universe. Matter turns into energy, energy turns into matter. A dead leaf turns into soil. A seed sprouts and becomes a new plant. Old solar systems disintegrate and turn into cosmic rays. We are born of our parents, our children are born of us.

2. Everything Changes

The second universal truth of the Buddha is that everything is continuously changing. Life is like a river flowing on and on, ever-changing. Sometimes it flows slowly and sometimes swiftly. It is smooth and gentle in some places, but later on snags and rocks crop up out of nowhere. As soon as we think we are safe, something unexpected happens.

3. Law of Cause and Effect

The third universal truth explained by the Buddha is that there is continuous changes due to the law of cause and effect. The law of cause and effect is known as karma. Nothing ever happens to us unless we deserves it. We receive exactly what we earn, whether it is good or bad. We are the way we are now due to the things we have done in the past. Our thoughts and actions determine the kind of life we can have.

2017 Wishes !

Wishing Every one a very Happy & Prosperous 2017 !