Happy Diwali Maa

All lights seems to be dim and dull now . Its 1 am now and today I am not able to sleep . Since my father has gone to my sisters place , I am in his room .

Thought of viewing my wedding CD as I wanted to see my mother . But now I am not able to gather that strength . Things have totally changed .

Diwali used to be fun and excitement for me . But from the time Maa has left , its meaningless .

I something feel I am doing injustice to Jayanti as she is excited and she doesn’t get the response she expects from me , but I am helpless and in no mood .

One more Diwali without maa.

Park or Food

Is this topic justified . You always compare an apple with apple , not an apple with orange ... right ?
I know my topic is irrelevant , but that’s what CM of UP has done .
When half of the population in UP is fighting hunger and basic medication , CM Mayawati is busy inaugurating park worth 679 Cr . What purpose this park solves is beyond my thinking . But I haven’t seen a politician who has been so high on ego that she has installed her own statue. Its like most of the middle east countries which is ruled by dictators . But Mayawati has forgot the recent outburst of people there . I can see the same outcome here as well in UP because what we need is not park , but basic amenities like food , water and shelter .
Where our politicians are heading is unknown .

Jagjit Singh - Vacuum forever

Today at 8.10 am , ghazal mastro left us for ever .
I have been listening to his ghazalas from a very early age as my father has been die hard fan of jagjit singh . My father was also very upset today .
His voice has been reason for ignition of so many emotions ...both Happy and sad. He has left a long silence unfilled.
May god rest his soul in peace and give strength to all family and friends to bear this great loss .

3 Wishes

It was the last time when my mother came to Delhi in Jan 2008 . Since I was occupied with my work schedules , Jayanti took my parents to Chatarpur mandir . My mother new that if you have some wishes, its granted if you tie a thread there . She tied 3 .
Just 10 days later , I lost her forever .Few days back I was discussing this with my sister and she told me that the 3 wishes she wanted to be granted were ,
- My youngest sister marriage
- A baby for my sister who was married for past 5 years
- And a good relationship for me and jayanti .
She could have easily asked for her good health , but her priority were always we .
Now when she is no more , I think why she didn’t tied 4 threads , the 4th one for her own good health .

Radio

In the winter of 2008 , it was the last time my mother came to Delhi . January 16th till 28th and then I lost her forever on 2nd Feb . She always liked old hindi songs , all colorful and positive . As she was from a very average family , the only source of entertainment was radio . Before leaving for my home town Bokaro , she conveyed her desire for a radio .
But I was not even able to present her a radio which would have hardly cost anything significant .
Am I worth anything now , when I can’t even buy a Radio for my mother . She is no more with me . I always think, is it always beneficial to plan for future .
Its more important to plan present than future , but I learned this when I lost all .

Jane tu Ya jane Na

Lyrics from movie Jane tu Ya jane Na
kahin to hogi wo duniya jahan tu meri sath hai ,
jahan mai jahan tu aur jahan bus teri meri jajbat hai aur ,
jahan subha teri palkon ki kirno me lori jahan chandki sone de baho me ,
jane na kahan wo duniya hai jane na wo hai bhi ya nahi ,
jahan meri zindagi mujse itani khafa nahi ,

This song reminds me of my Maa
Really don’t know where she is now , will I be able to meet her again , will she recognize me ,will she still love me .................
Maa, you have taken all my happiness ...all my joy
Just one last request ...when we meet again ...please recognize me ....I am helpless Maa and I don’t even know I will be able to meet you again

Song of my Mother

I don’t remember exactly the year , but it was from movie "Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar” , a song which my mother used to listen with so emotions . Might be she used to miss her mother ( my nanimaa ) .
The song was " Ruth ker mujse kabhi , jo chale jao ge tum, ye na socha tha kabhi , itne yaad aaoge tum ".
Its 3 years now and the song makes me so emotional . I never thought that she would leave me soooooo early ...all alone and then the same song makes me emotional ....i never thought this song would become so relevant for me .
Life has taken so many ups and down , but the lost has been unrecoverable .
I heard that time fills all gaps , but for me , I still miss her every day , each moment of my life .