Missing Excitement from Soul

Have you even seen your parents being excited when you do something to be proud about . Its pure divine .

I feel , the only person who are attached on pure love , pure emotion , pure feeling ....it can be only maa and papa.

Sometimes even when i used to communicate to my maa that I have bought a hanky, she was soooo excited as if her son has bought one of the most expensive and rare thing in the world ....pure passion and attachment .

All seems to be missing .... i wonder ...where she is ....whether she will ever recognize me once I meet her again ...in my next birth.

Magnet No More

Yesterday on Holi , I was at home with Jayanti and had no mood to play holi . We had our B'fast followed by good lunch . But My mind and soul was tied back to my Bokaro days , 15 years back , when we all used to be at Bokaro this time. Maa used to prepare lavish food with amazing energy and smile . The whole environment was fun and lively because of her . We 4 ( I and my 3 sisters ) had to come back from our respective places to play Holi in Bokaro .
Yesterday , the situation was up side down . We all played Holi at our own homes and the worst was my younger sister , who was alone at home since her hubby was out on tour .
Very painful and depressing scene as I never wanted to see my home at this situation , so early .
The sole reason that the magnet who pulled us towards her is no more . We all love each other , but time has changed , all busy with own stuffs and family obligations .
Life has been soo directionless without her .

My Angles - My Sisters

My sweetheart, my darling , my life and my energy for all that I do , I am talking about my sisters Babi di , Momi di and my little sweet sister Nanhi .
Starting from the 1 bed room quarter in Bokaro where we were packed in single room to 3 bedroom , we always had a very closed bond relationship. We still call each other on almost every day . Some times I am one who is supposed to do a conferencing and then we 4 talk over the phone. Its like flying into another world when I am with them . I too have a very different relationship with all of them.

With my eldest sister who is in Kolkata, its like my mother , she knows me better than all ( in and out )
With my sister who is next to me , Momi di , it’s like a friendly bond , but there I dominate and she is the sweet one who tolerates all my foolish acts .
With Nanhi , she is a daughter to me , technically also she can be called a daughter because I and jayanti did Kanya daan for her .
I feel blessed to have such sweet sisters , they are unmatched and my darling .

Small Town BOKARO

Born and brought up in a small town Bokaro had made so much difference to my life . It means , close relation with all , external and internal . May be that’s one of the reason mind is occupied with all small small thoughts and memories. Brain doesn’t travel too far because of the restriction it had at the initial stage of grooming , and so the moment i get even a fraction of second of free time , it goes to my home town . It’s like , all happened just yesterday , fresh and live .

And then thought comes that we all have left MAA in Bokaro and are in Delhi . Its strange , but there is a fear even when I think of visiting Bokaro . My cute little home town doesn’t excites me anymore. But all my memories solely tie back to it .

What is Death

when we are born, our death sentence is declared .Your own thought doesn’t stay in your mind , that’s the dynamics of change . So why fear death . The best way to die would be to die in meditation, in full consciousness .
Get in touch with that part of your body that does not die ..ie soul . As per Deepak Chopra, soul is the bundle of consciousness which contains meanings, context, relationships, purpose and the stories of our life . One you get in touch with your soul , you feel there is stillness there that is eternal, timeless and that every experience is like woven around it .
Believe can be sometime a cover-up for insecurity . we don’t have to believe in electricity , its real, like wise gravity , so we don’t have to convince people . If the soul is real , don’t rely on believe , rely on your understanding and on your experience.
Everything which we experience in the physical world is the result of the invisible part of ourselves .
Where does , intuition, clarity , choice making ,inspiration, intention , imagination ...where does all these come from ....it comes from our spirit and not from the brain .

Death is the mechanism through everything renews itself .
lets say we successes in concurring death , the universe would be frozen , there would be no recreation, no renewal , it is through death , the only cells which do not die in our body are cancer cells , rest all cells die, like the stomach cell die every 5 days and fresh one comes up so that our digestion is proper .
So its important for me to start preparing for the THE DAY from this very moment .

Bharat Ratna for Whom ?

Its the hight award and recognition which one can get in our country . The recent debate on whether Sachin and Amitabh Bacchan should get or not .
I am totally clueless as to why Sachin and Amitabh should get it at all .
The whole purpose of this recognition was for those who have contributed towards the advancement of the society and have given direction to it .
What have Sachin and Amitabh done in this direction. It has been purely an individual journey and individual gain .

I am sorry but they both don’t deserve it at all .

My Mother's Letter

On 4^th Dec 2011 , we shifted to our new flat in Indirapuram . we are still trying to settle down . Things have been lying here and there and would need some more time . My father was also busy making his room systematic . I saw him removing few papers from an old hand bag , almost 10- 15 years old . There were some old letters . I took them and saw those were the once my mother wrote to me when I was doing my degree. She wrote that " beta maan laga ker padhna , per hoga wohi jo mataji chahengi " , ie study hard beta , but divine spirit will overrule .

She is no more with me , justified that only divine will rules .